Meditation Course (March/April)

Welcome dear participants ot the I AM meditation course. Every week you can find here inspiring video's related to our gatherings and home assignments in the form of meditations. Please check after each gathering to see if new things are added. Much Love! Rolandjan 

Meditation week 1, and watching video's below. 


Abide in the sense of Being/ I AM.

Before we look into our assumptions, limited beliefs about who we think we are and before we contemplate the nature of our True Self, let's first come to the neutral state of Being. We can also call this the 'i am' state.

We may have many ideas and convictions about ourselves, our bodies, others, the world. But before we know anything, we must Be. So 'i am' lies before i am this / i am that. Before coming to the believe i am successful / i am a doctor / i am 35 / i am a woman / man there is first the fact that you ARE.
So for a moment we turn our attention away from all our ideas, convictions, beliefs about ourselves and stay only with the sense 'i am'. That which is prior to all our thoughts about ourselves. The feeling of being or 'i am' is felt as a subtle vibration or aliveness within the body. It is the feeling that you know you exist. You exist but without any notion/ without any positive or negative belief. So not i am this/ that but only I AM.

It is not a thinking state, thoughts may be there but you are not actively thinking about anything and you're also not going with the thoughts that naturally pass by. For sure it may happen that the mind wanders of, but the moment you notice that, you just come back to the sense of being, no disapointment needed. It is a calm and content state, nothing is missing here; you just are. When you are abiding in the state of beingness you are not waiting or expecting anything, some restlessness might come but it is observed from this neutral state of 'i am'. You see the thoughts coming and going but you are not going with them. You stay as Being, that's it.

Also when you come out of the formal meditation and start your day, stay with this feeling of being as much as you can. Keep coming back to it, whenever you want. See how it effects your day -to- day experiences. 

Week 2 Circle of Truth (21 April)

Dear Ones! Thank you for a truly inspiring gathering yesterday. For the coming two weeks the meditation above you can still sit with. Seeing that from the place of being everything is witnessed without effort. See that you are prior to anything that comes up and goes. And while everything on the level of feelings, thoughts, sensory experiences is time bound, your place of looking is stable; I Am. See that nothing adds to or effects the sense of being. It is always what it is. So there is a deep peace in resting as Being.

Then, maybe also the subtle feeling of being is observed by you. Then who or what is this observer of the sense of 'i am'? Does this one has a form or size or age, any quality, is it a thing or no-thing? See for yourself.. Don't try to figure out with the mind. Just look. 
If you contemplate in this way you may come to realize that there is just an openness, an emptiness, a formless, size-less, quality-less space. And; can you observe this silent space, in other words; are you separate from it..? or are you one with it?
See that within this formless space every movement of live is taking place and even the feeling of being is observed in it. Like the clouds appear in the vastness of sky, not leaving any trace. Then nothing more remains then to consciously Be this space of awareness. 

Considering strong feelings or emotions that may come up in day to day life (as we talked a bit about); following video from Jeff Foster might be insightful. In the satsang of Mooji he shares the fundamentals in a very clear and precise way, a joy to watch :) !

Also what can help is to write down what exactly happens when an experience of suffering, confusion, or separateness arises, especially the ones the seem to come back over and over again (vasanas). What creates the sense of suffering, or that something is wrong? Is it the feelings or the situation itself or maybe the mental resistance towards them and the 'me' story that comes up and that we believe in? Bring it into the light of your awareness. See it, so it is not hidden or unconscious any more. When you clearly see it, you don't have the feeling that you are 'caught' in it or victim of it anymore. You start to recognize yourself as the limitless vastness in which these experiences takes place. Nothing touches this vastness, it IS. 

Be Happy! Much Love, Rj 

Stilte is je wezenlijke natuur. 

Wat is stilte? 

De innerlijke ruimte of het bewustzijn
waarmee deze woorden worden waargenomen 
en gedachten doen ontstaan. 

Zonder dat bewustzijn zou er 
geen waarnemen zijn, 
geen gedachten, geen wereld. 

Jij bent dat bewustzijn, 
vermomd als een persoon. 

​~ Eckhart Tolle

​

​Week 4 (gathering 3, May 4th)

Contemplations..

​Many things we believe about ourselves consist of thoughts coming up in the mind. Without questioning we assume this voice in our head is trustworthy and we believe in it as being the truth of who we are. This is how it is going for ages; from 1 generation to the next, as Adyashanti calls it; it's the blind leading the blind. When we repeately give attention and believe our thoughts, conditioning is the result; certain thought patterns about ourselves, others and the world arrise and seem to be true, or at least for us. We keep thinking them and they become our experience.

But have we ever checked in, and searched for that which we call 'mind'? Does it really exist and if yes as what, what does it consist of? If we inquiry into the nature of mind we will just find a bundle of thoughts, images, memories, wishes (both also thoughts) continuesly coming and going. When we look even deeper into what is thought.. What does it consist of.. Does it have a form/ shape? What is the origin of thought..? What happens when we trace a thought back to where it came from, what do we find?
We can not catch even 1 single thought. The moment we don't assume we know but we truly look inside we find... nothing. Thought is so thin, so no-thing, empty. Only when we are not really looking, thoughts can have an impact, because we unconciously take them to be real, we identify with them and the thoughts we believe in give shape to our experience.
When we trace a thought back ... we only find empty space. The source of all thoughts, images; everything arises out of this nothingness. Only this emptiness in constant, unchanging, unfading.

So by now it may also become clear; we are not our minds. Why? We are able to observe thought arising and passing. The fact that we can observe them shows that we are not the thoughts; we are seeing them from a so called deeper place, we can say they arise in us, not as us. Thoughts come and go but the awareness-witness of them remains. We are this formless witness.

What happens when you just observe thoughts, instead of unconciously believing or following them? So from the place of 'i am' you just neutrally watch thoughts coming, going, coming, going.. See that they derive there existence from your attention, from you believe. The moment you stop believing in the thoughts they sooner or later disappear. But thats not even important because you are always the undisturbable space of awareness whether there are many thoughts or just a few. The quality of your essence doesn't change due to the quality or quantity of thoughts.

Now; who are you when you are not thinking about yourself in any way? So you don't go to your mind to find the answer to this question.. who are you then, prior to thought?

Contemplation:

Just sitting/ just being/ abiding in the sense 'I Am' ... comtemplate the following..

''Who are you if you don't think about yourself at all?
Don't refer to a single thought! Who are you then?

Whatever you are, it's still here, isn't it?!

You are still here even if you can't define yourself!

If you see through this,
it tells you that you've never been anything you've ever thought about yourself..! ''

~ Adyashanti

​Week 5 gathering 4, May 11th

Contemplate .. me and other?

If the seperate 'I' self cannot be found then can there be other? While trying to find and locate the 'i' that is, we only find a witnessing space, an aware Presence. No seperate me is there at all, only as an idea. 

What is found is an impersonal openness in which experience arise. You as the openness are one with the experience and at the same time aware of it, and free from it. 

Notice, also right now, that every experience is 'here' not there, not someone else's.  Everything arises within the space of NOW, every thought, breath, distant sound, memory, image.. In being in touch with the floor, is floor other? The sensation that arises from the contact with the floor is here and also takes place in the space of now/ in the awareness that you are. Everything is experienced HERE. Not there. You are here first to witness so called 'other'. When mind comes and gives a name to some experience, or person and we believe in it, it gives the impression of being seperate from the experience, or person. But without the filter of the mind every experience is intimately your own experience, there is a oneness about it. You as awareness are the knower of each and every experience, experienced as your self. Not 'other'.

When you as awareness look in someones eyes, truly seeing, is there other or do you see the Self..? When mind is looking out through the eyes it sees 'other'. Then you see what you think, not what is really there.

See throughout the day everything you touch, everything you see, every smell, everything you hear is here and now your own deeply intimate experience. Everything is arising in the awareness that you truly are. You are one with it AND aware of it, and completely free from it.

Everything is a temporary manifestation of and within awareness without changing the awareness-Self. The self remains the self whatever arises in it. Nothing can be a threat to awareness, it cannot change, it timelessly Is. Like the ocean doesn't change because of the waves arising and desolving in it. The waves are the ocean, they are one with it, there is no separation. But the ocean remains the ocean also without the waves. Like the aware Presence that you are doesn't depend on or is changed by the waves (experiences) arising and passing in you. Don't try to understand or grasp these things, but be still, keep quiet, no effort, and the wordless truth is revealed. 

Keep confirming during your day, during your meditations, you are That, till no doubt is left. 

Enjoy the video's from Gangaji and some music from Sam Garrett.. :-) 

Much Love and have a beautiful week, Rj 

Week 6 gathering 5, May 18th

Dear ones, thanks again for a beautiful and joyful meeting Thursday! 

Besides the daily meditations; abiding in the sense 'I Am' or being aware of being aware(ness), a little extra assignment/ experiment for the coming 2 weeks (we will see each other in the Circle again the 1st of June).

Meet a family member, long-term friend, or your partner, without bringing the past in. So as if you meet this being for the very first time, totally fresh and with an empty mind not carrying any memory.
Maybe choose someone that you have shared or still share strong challenging patterns with and see how your meeting unfolds if you do not bring in past experience or any expectations. So you consciously 'use' this meeting to be in the recognition of your true awareness-Self. You are simply yourself but without personal story and no agenda. Fully here and now, open to anything.

When certain feelings or emotions are triggered during this meeting, which is quite likely, can you just be with them from a place of pure non-judgemental stillness, allowing everything to be, not giving in to the old stories, the old responses? Remain as the boundless Presence-space in which experiences arise and pass but not leave any trace. Neutrally and effortlessly observe instead of reacting from the personal mind-realm.

See how it goes..  And please take it lightly, have fun, it is just a little experiment (like the rest of life ;-) . 

A quite similair meditation to Adyashanti's we did together a few weeks ago. Who or what is the true 'I'? Can we find it? When we look within what do we find..? Because the belief 'i am this body/ mind' can be so strong it is easy to forget every now and then that you are the Presence instead of a person. This guided meditation brings again the attention back to it's source of pure impersonal Stillness. Followed by 10 minutes of silence to enjoy your Self.

Further more i like to share an interview with Ferry Maidman (by Patrick Kicken). Ferry was my first Advaita teacher, too which i feel eternally grateful for what he showed me..
Sorry Ambra, it's in Dutch, but you don't necessarily need the words just feel it... 

Much Love and see you the 1st of June _/|\_ 

Week 8, gathering 6 June 1st

Dear Ones,

See in day to day life that every experience, every sound, thought, feeling is pointing back to the witness of it.. Who is the one that sees, knows all of the experiences, both subtle and gross? 
And can this witness be seen? Are you in essence form or without form, in time or timeless..? Contemplate... 

And for this week just watch the beautiful satsang from Mooji posted here. 

See you Thursday, Much Love, RJ 


Week 10, after gathering 8 - June 15th  

Dear Ones, 

During our last meeting Thursday as promised the 'gezellige' Advaita (non-dualism) movie 'Alles over Niets'. Optionally we can watch it together coming week, i could ask if we can use a studio once more June 22nd. I can bring a beamer. Let's communicate through email about it, if this wish is still alive.

I would like to thank everyone for participating in the circles, it has been a beautiful pathless journey.. till we meet again. 

Much love. RJ  

PS: A very clear sharing on Truth from Rupert Spira about the Self being the infinite screen of Awareness on which the movie of life is projected. Watch it here.